That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
