Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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