I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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