Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
