end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
