shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
youre lurking in front of me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
