you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drake has all the answers
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
