We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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