Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
