I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
