where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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