Im at strip club and am horny
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
