god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
