this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
