it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
