Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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