Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
