It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
