Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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