and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
