I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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