I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
