please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
