my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
