I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
