I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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