the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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