Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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