did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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