just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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