She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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