guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
