We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
