Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
...so i touched it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
