come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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