so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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