Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
