Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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