I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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