I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't think brook has ever known best
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
