Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
