Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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