my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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