your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
plz talk dirty to me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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