you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
