Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
