I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
