dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
