I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His hands were made for my vagina.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
