im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
