conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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